last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
