i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
My first STD was from a foam party
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
