How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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