What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Randomize
