Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
May the power of my ass compel you!!
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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