Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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