Where did you get a picture of my penis
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
