I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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