So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
