dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
