Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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