ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
