Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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