Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
