I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I think my moral compass just broke
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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