I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
