no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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