I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
