Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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