so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
