Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
