Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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