Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
