I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
