you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
