I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I didn't shave. On purpose
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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