So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
