I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
