never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
So many bounce houses so little time
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
