you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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