walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
