who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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