I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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