I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
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