Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Randomize
