If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Im part way to drunk.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
