if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
