Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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