where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
