woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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