absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
