So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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