I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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