I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
