So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
