you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
