john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
