I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
