I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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