Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
