Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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