love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
