then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
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