dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
